Bird by Bird Take One

How many pieces have you started and then part-way in, abandoned or lost interest?

Anne Lamott in Bird by Bird believes, "it may be that there is nothing at their center about which you care passionately." That passionate caring inside you is your moral position. It is not a message, not a slogan, not wishful thinking. "It begins inside the heart of a character and grows from there."

She goes on to say, "The core, ethical concepts in which you most passionately believe are the language in which you are writing." And they may be such a part of you that you think they are givens, that they are things that everyone knows. "Telling these truths is your job." I love that line. Telling these truths isn't something that comes from maybe an insightful one-liner or bumper stickers. They are things demonstrated through our storytelling, unfolded page by page.

Anne says, "If your deepest beliefs drive your writing, they will not only keep your work from being contrived but will help you discover what drives your characters."

"To be a good writer, you not only have to write a great deal, but you have to care."


Lamott, Anne, Bird by Bird, pg 103-109

Week 52: Develop Your Persona to Be the Person You Aspire to Be

Many writers, especially newer ones, wonder about ‘voice’—what it is and how to develop it. This chapter gives some insight on that and how our writing not only impacts us, but how we impact our writing.

Wilbers says, “Writing is power. When you write, you assert your concerns, your values, your point of view. … With this power comes both responsibility and freedom.”1

He talks about the assumed identities the ancients called personas. We know it as an avatar, an image of what we want people to think—it might be a close approximation or a gross distortion, but either way, it’s not the real thing.

“Just as your choice of images is key to your persona, your choice of words determines your persona or the impression you create in your reader’s mind. … Natural word choice goes beyond language and techniques of style. Natural word choice shapes the reader’s impression of who you are as a person. … Your word choice should be intentional not accidental … should serve a purpose.”2

We impact our writing, but our writing also impacts us. Our writing journey is an opportunity for self-exploration. Through experimenting with language, styles and techniques that work for us, we can discover who we really are. But what about who you would like to be?

John Steinbeck said this: “I instinctively recognized an opportunity to transcend some of my personal failings—things about myself I didn’t particularly like and wanted to change but didn’t know how.”

I love this insight from Wilbers in writing behind the persona: “Whatever your choice [of persona], I urge you to be a complete person. Reveal not only your thoughts, but also your feelings. Share your insights and humor. Be playful. Write with heart. Above all, be genuine.”

And from Stephen King: “Honesty in story-telling makes up for a great many stylistic faults…”3

Exercises:4

Revise the following using your own voice, making them less stilted.

1.            I am making an attempt to make an improvement in my writing.

2.            Please apprise me of what transpired at the meeting.

3.            We need to fabricate a dike around this building utilizing these sandbags.

4.            Such conditions impede progress in finding a resolution to said problems.

5.            Our team leader deems it imperative that we conduct ourselves ethically.

1. Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 290

2. Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 291

3. Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 293

4. Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg293

Week 49: Add a Light-Hearted Touch to Your Writing

This week's chapter is pretty self-explanatory. 

Wilbers says, "Humor is a matter of perspective..." - oh don't I know this. My husband and I do not share similar senses of humor. I'm pretty funny, but I'm also the only one usually laughing at my jokes. And I think word plays or errors are generally hilarious. Like these things that cracked me up in NYC (just please forgive my obvious lack of photography skills):

  

Look for writing that elicits a 
chuckle from you and then try to 
imitate it. A juxtaposition or 
something unexpected. (like this 
behemoth of a sandwich): 

Wilbers continues his thoughts on humor saying it is, "a bemused awareness of the incongruous, illogical, and sometimes absurd dimensions of our existence. It's also a matter of timing, technique, and detail." I'm a huge fan of both Sarah M. Eden and Janette Rallison's writing because each seems to effortlessly create such scenarios. 

Wilbers offers a paragraph from Kay Redfield Jamison's An Unquiet Mind.

"I decided early in graduate school that I needed to do something about my moods. It quickly came down to a choice between seeing a psychiatrist or buying a horse. Since almost everyone I knew was seeing a psychiatrist, and since I had absolute belief that I should be able to handle my own problems, I naturally bought a horse. Not just any horse, but an unrelentingly stubborn and blindingly neurotic one, a sort of equine Woody Allen, but without the entertainment value."1

The incongruity between "seeing a psychiatrist or buying a horse" lends to the comic effect. 

So this week in your writing, throw in something unexpected for comic relief.


1 Wilbers, Stephen,  Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 274.

Week 46: Return to Your Metaphors and Similes

This year's posts have been like a mouse nibbling at cheese. Each week, a different lesson on writing, until the whole book has nearly been consumed, one morsel at a time.

This week's lesson, Wilbers has us reconnecting with our metaphors and similes throughout our work, like the mouse returning to his feast. It's something "... every good essayist or storyteller knows" how to do.1

We are warned though that this technique works well when you have three criteria: "they're simple, apt, and novel."2 When they are forced, however, it can be a distraction. Cliche metaphors may even be glossed right over by your readers.

John Mather, senior astrophysicist at NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center used this technique giving us insight into the evolution of the formation of galaxies:

"We thought galaxies formed just like they are. But now we think they grew, they assembled themselves from smaller pieces. It might have been like rain on the side of a hill. First you get little rivulets that flow together into a larger stream."3

Or Thoreau's famous passage from Walden:

"A lake is the landscape's most beautiful and expressive feature. It is earth's eye; looking into which the beholder measures the depth of his own nature. The fluviatile trees next to the shore are the slender eyelashes which fringe it, and the wooded hills and cliffs around are its overhanging brows."4

Now that we've had a taste of this concept, try your hand at it:

1. The wind had been through/the valley/ leaving everything cold/ and gleaming/ like bells.

2. The sheer weight of one of these icy leviathans, some of which grew to a thickness of two miles, flattened the crust of the earth.5


1 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 255.
2 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 256.
3 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 258.
4 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing,  pg 258.
5 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing,  pg 257.

Week 43 Create Rhythm with Anadiplosis and Isocolon

Anna Diplosis is a cousin to Ann Timetabole. Ann chooses to reverse her stated ideas (you can see examples in Week 41) whereas Anna likes to take the last word of the statement and for emphasis repeat it as the first word in a juxtaposition.

Anna would quote John Keats, "Beauty is truth, truth beauty."

It goes a bit further with phrases as shown in Anna's favorite folksong by Pete Seeger and Joe Hickerson: " "Where have all the flowers gone... young girls have picked them
Where have all the young girls gone... gone to young men".

Now Iso Colon is a different fellow. He's particular about repetition, both in grammatical structure and in the same number of syllables.

He believes 'many are called, but few are chosen', and he likes to wear a Timex because 'it takes a licking and keeps on ticking'. But he's particularly partial to some advice his grandfather gave him. "How to succeed at business: Have a vision, know your values, and work like crazy."1

Anna and Iso can emphasize ideas or create rhythm in our writing, writing that will more clearly and effectively communicate to our audiences.


Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg. 240.

Week 40 Use Periodic Sentences to Create Suspense and Emphasis

by Peggy Urry

Week 40 means there are only twelve lessons left. Only eleven more Mondays until 2016. Gah! Is it really mid-October? Yes, yes it is. Enough on that... 

Wilbers says, "In the old days [of writing], we would have been taught some two hundred schemes and tropes--schemes are structural patterns such as inversion and antithesis, and tropes are figures of speech such as metaphor."1

Theoretically, anyone can write a great and memorable sentence, but if you understand the type of sentence you're writing and how it works, your chances are much greater.

Parallel sentences (discussed in Week 39) create a pleasing rhythm through repetition of similar elements. An antithetical sentence (Week 25) "is a balanced sentence with contrary statements."2

Loose and periodic sentences mirror each other.

Loose sentences have a main clause followed by a series of parallel elements: "She peered into the dark room, fearing for her life, listening for the slightest sound, wondering if the murderer lurked within."2

The periodic sentence switches it up with the parallel elements first and the main clause following: "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she had to walk into mine." Dramatic delay creates effect.2

Use the loose sentence option when you want to keep things relaxed. When you want to tighten the screws, go for suspense, drag out the drama, your go-to structure is the periodic sentence.

This is a great chapter to read and re-read.

1 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 222

2 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 223

Week 37 Write in Sentences, but Think in Paragraphs

Week 37 Write in Sentences, but Think in Paragraphs

by Peggy Urry

Benjamin Franklin had a great sense of curiosity (and I would say, a great amount of luck on his side: think lightning rod).

As a lad, there was a peer with whom he would debate. He "usually found himself on the losing side of these 'disputations'". Franklin, in his autobiography says the "lad" was "naturally more eloquent, had a ready plenty of words; and sometimes, as I thought, bore me down more by his fluency than by the strength of his reasons."1

To hone his skills, he took an old volume of The Spectator (Joseph Addison and Richard Steele) and studied the essays. He took notes, he wrote them in verse, then after a few days would try to put them back into essay form. And made more notes on how he could improve the next time. Sometimes, apparently needing a bigger challenge, he would jumble his collection of hints and weeks later attempt to put them back into order.

Sounds grand, doesn't it? Let's give it a try using a paragraph from an essay in The Spectator by Joe Floren, "Writing in the Age of Data Drench". Put the following sentences in order:2



___ How often would we make careless spelling errors if correcting them meant starting over with a new rock?

___ It's no coincidence that the typewriter is wordier than longhand, the word processor wordier than the typewriter, and dictation wordiest of          all.

___ Despite its many benefits, the computer gets the blame for increasing reader overload.

___ Imagine how concise we'd be if we had to chisel our messages into rock.

___ Its ease of use encourages writers to be wordier and less organized.

___ Easy writing quickly becomes lazy writing.

Need a few hints? Remember Week 36's paragraph instruction: topic, development, resolution. A topic sentence may look back before going forward--a transitional topic sentence. The one above includes a comma. The sentence that clarifies/amplifies meaning comes next. Guessing on the fourth sentence might be careless and lazy isn't always last. Good luck. Check out Stephen Wilbers's book Mastering the Craft for more hints.


1 Mastering the Craft, Wilbers, Stephen, pg 206.
2 Mastering the Craft, Wilbers, Stephen, pg 207.

Week 34 Start with Something Old; End with Something New

Week 34
Start with Something Old; End with Something New

by Peggy Urry

I had to chuckle to myself when I read the title for this week. Oh, how appropriate as I have a daughter getting married in a couple of months. This post, however, deals with the order of things to improve the flow and clarity of our writing.

Ending our sentences with new information gives the reader a sense of what is coming next, enticing them to read on (as was discussed last week).

"Consider this sentence: 'You need to eliminate common errors in your writing.'"1

Eliminating common errors is an idea that you've introduced and it now is 'old information'. Anything referencing that idea should come at the beginning of subsequent sentences with new info presented at the end.

What do you think of this set-up: "You need to eliminate common errors in your writing. Your credibility will be undermined by errors in grammar, word choice, and punctuation."?

How would you improve it?

Consider this: "You need to eliminate common errors in your writing. Errors (old idea) in grammar, word choice, and punctuation will undermine your credibility."2 The flow and clarity improve with just a simple change in order.


1 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 189.
2 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 190.

Week 31 Hit 'Em with the Long-Short Combo

Week 31 Hit 'Em with the Long-Short Combo
Peggy Urry

Stephen Wilbers compares the concept of the long-short combo to that of a sling shot. Stretch out your first sentence and then ... Pow! Follow it with a concise, snappy one--the shorter the better. This adds punch, or emphasis, to what you're talking about.1 

This is similar to Week 24, The Classic Setup and Week 25, Make Your Point by Contrast.

Here are a few examples: 

Yesterday I read my copy four times, one word at a time, from front to back and from back to front, and today you found an error. So much for proofreading.2

"He'd mentioned his nonna, but for the first time she considered that he might have little ones. And a wife."3

Underneath, while you write you are a little nervous, not knowing how to get to what you really need to say and also a little afraid to get there. Relax. 4

Here's one for you to try:

Driving down Superior Street on a Saturday night, the sidewalks deserted, wind off the lake blowing snow through the pink light from the street lamps, the temperature stuck at twenty below, you know this isn't Paris, and it isn't even Minneapolis. This is a city called Duluth and it's at the top of the map.

1 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 170.

2 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 170.

3 Urry, Peggy, The Archer's Hollow.

4 Wilbers, Stephen, Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 172/Goldberg, Natalie, Writing Down the Bones.

Week 26 Build Toward Climax

Week 26 Build Toward Climax

by Peggy Urry

There is a natural order to life all around us. If we throw a baseball up in the air, we know it will come down. If we get on a mattress at the top of the stairs...

It is the same with our writing. There is a natural order in language. J.R.R. Tolkien said, "My mother ... pointed out that one could not say 'a green great dragon,' but had to say 'a great green dragon.' I wondered why and still do."1

Wilbers says, "The answer has to do with the way your mind works. Without conscious effort and at extraordinary speed, your mind sorts and arranges concepts according to a natural order. For this reason, you should roll out your information according to natural patterns when you write." 2

Wilbers gives these tips:

• Begin with simple; end with complex
• Go from shortest phrase to longest
• Go from less memorable/vivid to more memorable/vivid
• End with the strongest word in the series

Here are a few sentences without natural order. How would you fix them?

Her behavior was outrageous, unethical, and inappropriate. (End with strongest word)

My primary responsibilities are to train staff, create a new database of specific economic reporting techniques, and manage the office. (Shortest phrase to longest)3

Not just building toward climax, screaming toward climax.

Write according to natural order. Look for patterns and flow. Build toward climax.

1 Mastering the Craft of Writing, Stephen Wilbers, pg 142

2 Mastering the Craft of Writing, Stephen Wilbers, pg 143

3 Mastering the Craft of Writing, Stephen Wilbers, pg 143

Week 23 Use Semicolons to Both Separate and Connect

Week 23 Use Semicolons to Both Separate and Connect

by Peggy Urry

                                                                       Clunky vs Subtle

Semicolons also come in these two varieties. The clunky version is used in vertical lists.

     Use semicolons to:
          1. Link two independent clauses or complete sentences;
          2. Link two independent clauses when the second clause is introduced
              by an adverb such as however or therefore;
          3. Add clarity to a series when the items are long or have internal commas.1

The subtle variety is a mark of distinction, a pause that is shorter than a period but longer than a comma. "Even as they separate, they imply a connection, as in 'Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country'."2

Other examples of subtle semicolons:

Understanding a concept is one thing; applying it is another.
Juan was two hours late; Arriola was getting worried.
She told us to take her advice or find a new attorney; we found a new attorney.3

Play around with those sentences and see how punctuation changes the feel and the flow.

Points to remember: Colons introduce; semicolons separate. Semicolons need independent clauses or complete sentences on either side (unless you're talking the clunky list variety).

In which sentences are semicolons used incorrectly?
1. Although it's 2:00 a.m.; I think I'll keep writing.
2. It's gorgeous outside--ten degrees with fresh snow; I think I'll go for a ski.
3. I heated the water in my coffee mug; until it boiled.
4. I flung the boiling water into the subzero air; an arc of mist disappeared before it hit the ground.

Did you pick 1 and 3? Then you are correct.4

There are many more examples in Mastering the Craft by Stephen Wilbers.

If you want more on semicolons, check our Grammarbook or UWM's Writer's Handbook.

1. Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 127
2. Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 127
3. Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 127

4. Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 128

Week 20 Punctuate May 18, 2015

Week 20

Punctuate for Emphasis
by Peggy Urry

If any of you have been around teenagers for any length of time, you know all about emphasis: thinly disguised as drama.

In writing we can use punctuation to emphasize. As young writers, we may become enthusiastic about the mighty exclamation mark and the attention it draws to our point. However, we learn that the exclamation is best used sparingly. But having a few good punctuation marks in your arsenal broadens your ability to add emphasis without an exclamation.

Let's take periods, dashes, ellipses, and colons and look at how they enable us to add emphasis to our writing.

The period (British call it a full stop) is sometimes overlooked, but consider how a fragment with a period adds emphasis: "You need to quit procrastinating, so sit down and write your first draft. Now." Or create a rhythm in a series of short sentences: "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand."1

Wilbers suggests the following:

Use dashes to mark abrupt changes in thought or the flow of a sentence.

Use ellipses not only to mark text omitted in a direct quote, but also to indicate a trailing off of thought or a troubled pause.

Use a colon to introduce something that follows (as I have done with this list).


Here are some examples from The Archer's Hollow:

"Trolls. Very. Nasty. Trolls," he said fiercely.

They would then be the ones to look down their noses with disdain at the previous court and its servants--if any were left.

"When they could catch me...but they rarely did."


Replace a punctuation mark in the following sentences with a period, a dash, and a colon, but not in that order.

   a. This is the difference between scenery and place. Scenery is something you have merely looked at; place is something you have experienced.

   b. Grammar is a piano I play by ear, and all I know about grammar is its power.

   c. My thoughts are like waffles. The first few don't look so good.2


1 Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 108

2 Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 110-111

TAMARA: This is a good breakdown of when to use periods, dashes, ellipses, etc. I am wondering though, Peggy, your example of a fragment with a period seems to be a pointed directive for me! Yes, I do need to quit procrastinating and write my rough draft. Now.  

VALERIE: Commas weren't mentioned which scares me a little. Does that mean I have to discuss them in next week's lesson? 

:(! Does the exclamation point apply here? Yes. It. Does. 

*pauses to go look* 

Whew. The next lesson is on dashes. That's a good one for me because I tend to go a little dash-happy when I write.

Week 17 Prefer the Active Voice--but Know When to Use the Passive

Week 17

by Peggy Urry

Ready. Set. Action!

One of the first things I learned as a new writer was that active voice is preferable to passive. That's all good, but what is active voice? (I'm still working on bettering my understanding of this concept.)

Here are a few examples:

"Active: I let go of the Cessna's strut and prayed my chute would open. (The subject performs the action.)

Passive: The Cessna's strut was* let go of and a prayer that my chute would open was* said by me. (The subject receives the action.)"1

*To be verbs (like was, is, been, etc.) are a red flag for passive voice. 

Active: The boys played basketball in the gym.

Passive: Basketball was played in the gym.

The beautiful and frustrating part of language and writing is that there are uses for all types. There are certain situations where passive voice is preferred: for Emphasis, for Diplomacy, and for Flow.

Emphasis: Consider the example above. If we want to emphasize basketball, we would use the passive voice. If we want to emphasize boys, we would use active.

Diplomacy: Use passive voice to avoid assigning blame or identifying who performed the action.

Active: You left your water bottles and trash all over the gym floor. (accusatory tone)

Passive: Water bottles and trash were left all over the gym floor. (diplomatic tone)

Flow: "Use the passive voice to facilitate coherence by linking the thought of one sentence to the next.

Active: The wail of a loon awakened me. Anyone who has canoed the Boundary Waters wilderness of northern Minnesota has heard the haunting sound.

Passive: I was awakened by the wail of a loon. This haunting sound has been heard by anyone who has canoed the Boundary Waters wilderness of northern Minnesota."2

In the Active example, the references to the loon's sound come at the beginning and then the end of the sentences. In the passive, they are connected and it improves the flow.

Homework:

In your WIP, do a word search for passive verbs. Do they emphasize the right thing, add diplomacy, or improve flow? 

There are a lot of resources if you want to further explore this topic:

An old post by Donna Hatch is still very helpful IMHO. 

Oxford Dictionaries online has more examples.

And one to clarify or confuse you even more is the English Page.

TAMARA: I was surprised to see that it is week 17 already. Or is this more active? Week 17 surprised me. Didn't 2015 begin not too long ago? Or more passively, didn't the start of the year 2015 happen like, just yesterday? I'm rereading this chapter because that passive voice creeps into my writing when I'm not paying attention. A lot like kids becoming passive lounging/eating bodies when if I'm not there to supervise!! And thanks for the great resources!

VALERIE: My favorite part of this lesson is that he says we should know when to use the passive voice. When you first start out in the writing world you hear 2 things: Show don't tell! and Use active voice! After you've been around the (writer's) block (haha!) for awhile (attended your share of critique groups and writing conferences, not to mention revised a manuscript or two) you know that passive voice has a purpose. You gave great examples, Peggy.

[And sometimes you just need to tell instead of show for the same reasons you talk about in your post...emphasis and flow. Just saying.]  

1. Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 90.

2. Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 91.

Week 14 Don't Nominalize, Verbalize

Don't Nominalize, Verbalize
Peggy

Has your wordiness taken to adopting disguises? Or has it adopted a disguise?

Do you stand in agreement with me that this is one handsome dude? Or do you agree he is handsome?

You might not think these sentences are that different, and you're right. Sometimes, we attempt to give a more authoritative tone to our writing by changing verbs into nouns. (We should be doing the opposite, right?) Most of the time, our run-on diatribe ends up sounding like rubbish. 

Compare:

We are making a recommendation that you undertake a lengthy study of this important issue.

We recommend that you study this issue.

***

He offered an explanation for why they had come to the conclusion they should raise an objection to making a change in the policy.

He explained why they had concluded they should object to changing the policy.1

Would you rather make a connection with your reader or connect with your reader? The noun form (connection) of the verb (connect) weighs down the sentence. 2

Verbs propel your thoughts economically, they drive the sentence. Be biased in favor of the verb. Keep your writing precise and clean so your reader isn't looking through the noun disguise for the beauty of your writing.

Revise the following:

a. Please take under consideration my proposal.

b. I made the decision to make a call to my dear old mum.

c. They came to an agreement they would reach a settlement out of court.

d. It is my suggestion that we make a proposal to make a refinement in the dephosphorization of taconite pellets.

e. She came to the realization that her only means to make an escape was to make a pretense of sleeping.

We are given to appreciation of followers who take to leaving comments. Oops, I mean, we appreciate your comments!

1. Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 77

2. Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 76

TAMARA: I decided to consider a perusal of the blog when I happened upon the picture you chose to post. I allowed myself to contemplate what could possibly be the topic of discussion with an eye-catching, camouflaged man. After reading your post I realized what had really happened.... The picture you posted caught my eye. I wondered what this week's topic was and continued reading. Well done!!

VALERIE: Yes, why is this boy in a tree? Something to do with wordiness... Anyway, we've had a bunch of posts (chapters in MTC) related to this topic. It all boils down to tightening manuscripts.
NEXT WEEK Verbing our nouns!!! Can't wait!

Week 11 Eliminating Wordy References to Time

At the present time, our focus is on eliminating unnecessary words.

by Peggy

Last week Tamara talked about making sure every word counts. In references to time, are you wordy? How often do you use lengthy references to time? Here are a few to consider: at this point in time, at the present time, last but not least, during the time it takes, in this day and age... Instead, try using: now/then/or at this point, now, finally, and now/today/these days.


Change these up so they're not so wordy:

In this day and age, you don't want to waste your reader's time.

At this point in time, I think we should hold off.

You need to practice eliminating wordiness on a daily basis.


Did you come up with something like this:

These days, you don't want to waste your reader's time.

For now, I think we should hold off.

You need to practice eliminating wordiness every day.1 


Mr. Wilbers gives additional examples in a chart on page 61 (Chapter 11).

Homework:
Eliminate six wordy references to time in the following paragraph.

At the present time, we've decided to wait until such time as we have a clearer picture of what our kitchen will look like subsequent to remodeling before we decide what to do with our dining room. During the course of the project, we'll start planning the next future phase. Last but not least, we'll move on to the bathroom.

What do you think? Did you find the six and do a fix? (And there you have the reason I don't write poetry...)

Share your revised paragraph in the comments below.

If you want more on this topic, check out grammar expert Richard Nordquist's post on 200 Redundancies.

TAMARA: I don't know, Peggy, I think at some future time, if you set your mind to it, in the final analysis, you could write poetry, or last but not least, jingles for tv ads. ;) (That was sort of opposite of the exercise, I put in as many time references as I could. I'll behave and put my revised paragraph in the comments.)

1Mastering the Craft of Writing, Steven Wilbers, pg 60

Week 8 Delete That for Rhythm and Flow; Retain That for Clarity

Week 8
Delete That for Rhythm and Flow; Retain That for Clarity

by Peggy

After completing my draft and several edits of The Archer's Hollow, I came across a list of words to search for in the document. "That" was one of those words. I was amazed at how many times I had used it when it wasn't necessary.

So how do we determine when it is useful and when it is not.  Stephen Wilbers' simple rule, stated in the title chapter, can guide us to better writing. Retain it for clarity, when the sentence doesn't quite make sense or is ambiguous without it: "I worry the sore on my finger, as I keep picking it, will get infected."1  Would you insert a 'that' for clarity anywhere? Here is the sentence with 'that' strategically placed for clarity: "I worry that the sore on my finger, as I keep picking it, will get infected."

Which of the following sentences should retain 'that' for clarity?

A. "She told me that she would proofread my report."

B. " I recognize that your friend may be right."2

(If you remove 'that', does either become ambiguous?)

Mr. Wilbers points out that often it it a matter of style and preference. We want to write as concisely and clearly as possible which means each word matters. I would take out 'that' in sentence A and leave it for sentence B.

Challenge for this week: Search your document or WIP for 'that'. How many can you eliminate?

TAMARA: I love that he clears this up. I remember sorting through my MS and finding too many instances of THAT. I deleted so many, but some I knew I needed to keep. Now I know why. Clarity. I need as much of it as I can get!


1. Mastering the Craft pg 46
2. Mastering the Craft pg 45

Week 5 Two-Bit Words

Know When to Use a Two-Bit Word
by Peggy

Language: words thrown together to communicate with others? or perhaps words chosen carefully to convey a specific mood or message?

This week's lesson is on the value of vocabulary. "You can move beyond the plain to memorable writing, but only if you have the vocabulary to go from plain/mundane/banal/pedestrian/quotidian words to memorable and exciting ones."1

But, just because we know fancy-schmancy words, doesn't mean it's always appropriate to use them. This is my favorite example from Mastering the Craft: "If a cheetah is chasing a zebra, it's trying to kill it, not . . . attempting to effect a termination of its earthly existence."

I agree with Mr. Wilbers when he says, "From the coarsest language to the most elevated diction, word choice matters. Have the courage--and conviction--as well as the nimbleness and the creativity--to be as elegant, gracious, tender, irreverent, forceful, shocking . . . as the occasion warrants.

"And don't forget: Although you need a broad vocabulary, sometimes the two-bit word is best."

Look at a passage you've written. Are there words that can be strengthened? Are there cliches that need fixing? What about sentences that can be more precise?



TAMARA: Here is my two cents, or is that 'two bits?' I'll answer that question later, right now I will admit after all that work of collecting good words from Week 4, I was little disappointed at Week 5. At first, I wondered why go to all the trouble of expanding my vocabulary if I'm going to end up using an ordinary word that is more precise...or less pretentious, as the situation warrants? But, I did read the entire chapter and learned writing is not much different than other art forms where knowing the rules is mandatory before one can break them effectively. Having a broad vocabulary with a range of (Peggy's) 'fancy-schmancy' words as well as (Wilber's) 'two-bit' words seems to be the prerequisite to knowing when and where to use such words. 

My favorite point about word choice, "If your primary reason for choosing a word is to impress your reader, it's probably the wrong word."2 
So true. And now I should go toss out half of everything I've ever written.Okay, maybe just a third.

Back to my original question. You know me. I had go look up the expression 'two bit.' I knew that it meant "cheap; insignificant or worthless" but I was looking for the history. Turns out that 'two cents' is derived from the older term 'two bits' somehow related to poker, when a player would up the ante by putting in his 'two bits' and (I'm sure everyone else knew this but me) that a bit is one-eighth of a gold coin and two bits became equal to the US 25 cent piece. And we all know how far a quarter can 
take you these days. And I'm not quite sure how all this relates to using the right word at the right time, but the way I will think of it from now on will be like spending. When a dress is on sale, I'm not going to complain that less money will get the dress in the bag--I'll use that two-bit word and save all my hard-earned vocab words for when I absolutely need to buy something full price.


2. Page 28, Mastering the Craft

Hmmm...every word I write is to impress the reader, I mean, it's all for the reader, right? But, no, I get it. I think this is related to over-writing. That's what I would sometimes hear in a writer's boot camp about my pages... "Just tell us they rolled up the window, don't tell us all the steps it took to do it." I overwrite thinking I'm sounding clever and saying something in a new way when really it just draws attention to the writing and pulls it away from the story. As Garrison Keillor said, and Wilbers quotes in this chapter, "You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head." Fancy words will often do the same thing, pull a reader out of the story. Sure, authors put their blood, sweat, and tears into their writing, but the goal is to be invisible. (Except when we're expected to be very visible--on FB, Twitter, websites, school visits...haha) 

There's a place for these words, though, so let's not throw all the beautiful, big words out, just determine when the moment is right. When I find a perfectly-placed, precise word in a book I'm reading...ahhhh, pure satisfaction. 

Week 2 Write with Detail

Write With Detail
by Peggy

As writers, we hear all the time, "Show, don't tell." For a lot of us, we have a difficult time grasping what that really means. (Or maybe it was just me that had this problem.)

Mr. Wilbers gives great examples of this. "Next time you write, ...'My boss really liked my report,' don't stop there." Go on to give details: "[I]n last Tuesday's staff meeting George held up [my] report on quality control, taped each of its five pages to the whiteboard, uncapped a yellow felt-tipped marker, and drew a big star on each page."1

You don't even have to state that your boss liked your report. You just showed it. When we revise, we can look for opportunities to add detail, to give our stories dimension and bring our readers in.

Writing with detail isn't just about adding information. Think about Week One and the importance of words and using the right words for the right effect. Use strong verbs when adding detail.

Consider: "News of our bosses departure affected all of us."

Before scrolling down, think how you can improve that sentence.

Here's mine: Whispers flew from desk to desk. 'Did you hear?' 'What will we do?' Delores, the beehived-receptionist with special shoes, sniffled into her box of Kleenex. The ever-cheerful guy in maintenance patted her on the back as he sneaked a tissue.

Here's one from the book: "When our boss announced he was leaving, we stomped our feet, pounded the table with our fists, and raised our voices in a chorus of unbridled joy and celebration."2



1. Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 10.

2. Mastering the Craft of Writing, pg 12.


TAMARA: Details, details. Maybe the devil is in them because he knows that’s where all the important (juicy) tidbits are…

I’ll give it a go:

#1

“He listened to me, but I didn’t feel heard.”

How about this?

“He listened to me while he checked his phone for messages. He even reclined a bit further in his chair like he was settling in for a nap. No eye contact, not even a nod of his head. No wonder he doesn’t remember what I say.”

#2

“She picked up her backpack and left. My life went with her.”

“She picked up her Jan Sport, the one we shared through 11^th grade; the one we used to write one-word messages to each other on the inside, with a purple sharpie marker. My life went with her.