WEEK 18 KEEP YOUR VERBS NEAR THEIR SUBJECTS

by Valerie Ipson

There's a simple equation for today's lesson: "Distance determines effort. The longer the distance between subject and verb, the harder your reader must work." MTC 1 italics added

You're right, the lesson is kind of a no-brainer. Readers won't get the meaning of your sentence until they make a subject-verb connection. They want/need to know who is doing something and what they're doing. Throw in all the fluff and puff you want (within reason), but it's the subject/verb that gives the meat...gives you something to sink your teeth into. [I could type out some very, extremely-lengthy examples, but I won't. Check out mastering the Craft's Lesson 18 and you'll find some.]

But as with any writing rule, RULES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN! EVEN THIS ONE! Consider that sometimes an INTENTIONAL delay works because it creates emphasis. Example: "The tall, skinny man, who had just polished off three double cheeseburgers, two large fries, and a super-sized soda, ordered another round." MTC 2

That's a whole lot of fast-food calories in between man and ordered, but the sentence works.

MTC, 1: p.97
MTC 2: p. 98

Tamara: And I thought I was the only one that included food pictures in my posts. I have no idea why this analogy popped into my head as I read your post, but I thought of couples ice skating in the Olympics, where they have strict rules about how far away from each other they can be. Maybe I need to start thinking of my verbs and subjects that way. Except for the allowable, dramatic moves of course!

WEEK 15 KNOW WHEN TO VERB YOUR NOUNS

BY VALERIE IPSON

Read the title of this post again.

Have you ever seen the word "verb" actually used as a verb? 

A verb is a noun!

Well, this is not your high school English class, kids. Strap yourselves in and hang on, we're about to verb us some nouns and it's going to be a fun ride.

Last week Peggy talked about the danger of wordiness (and guys hiding in trees) when writers turn their verbs into nouns [She made a recommendation... versus She recommended...], but when you switch and go the other way, the results can make for some strong writing.

We actually do it all the time...as an example, Stephen Wilbers quotes Richard Nordquist's post at grammar.about.com: "In a single work day, we might head a task force, eye an opportunity, nose around for good ideas, mouth a greeting, elbow an opponent, strong-arm a colleague, shoulder the blame, stomach a loss, and finally hand in our resignation." (1)

These are all pretty commonplace examples, but it's when we get creative that the fun begins..."the roof...hinged open," "ducks winged through the island," "sailboats breezed along." (2)

I love this tip from Wilbers: "In each case the verb is made from a noun associated (or...loosely associated) with the object. These associated objects are a good place to look for nouns that might be verbed into action." (3)

So the walleye finned instead of swam, the tulips stemmed instead of grew...you get the idea. Look for them in your own writing. I bet you have some. And I also bet there are a lot of sentences that can be made stronger by using this fun technique.

(1) MTC, p. 80
(2) MTC, p. 80-81
(3) MTC, p. 83

And check out the new book in our line-up!!! 

Congratulations, Tamara on your new nonfiction release: 

Mothering Through the Whirlwind.

Week 14 Don't Nominalize, Verbalize

Don't Nominalize, Verbalize
Peggy

Has your wordiness taken to adopting disguises? Or has it adopted a disguise?

Do you stand in agreement with me that this is one handsome dude? Or do you agree he is handsome?

You might not think these sentences are that different, and you're right. Sometimes, we attempt to give a more authoritative tone to our writing by changing verbs into nouns. (We should be doing the opposite, right?) Most of the time, our run-on diatribe ends up sounding like rubbish. 

Compare:

We are making a recommendation that you undertake a lengthy study of this important issue.

We recommend that you study this issue.

***

He offered an explanation for why they had come to the conclusion they should raise an objection to making a change in the policy.

He explained why they had concluded they should object to changing the policy.1

Would you rather make a connection with your reader or connect with your reader? The noun form (connection) of the verb (connect) weighs down the sentence. 2

Verbs propel your thoughts economically, they drive the sentence. Be biased in favor of the verb. Keep your writing precise and clean so your reader isn't looking through the noun disguise for the beauty of your writing.

Revise the following:

a. Please take under consideration my proposal.

b. I made the decision to make a call to my dear old mum.

c. They came to an agreement they would reach a settlement out of court.

d. It is my suggestion that we make a proposal to make a refinement in the dephosphorization of taconite pellets.

e. She came to the realization that her only means to make an escape was to make a pretense of sleeping.

We are given to appreciation of followers who take to leaving comments. Oops, I mean, we appreciate your comments!

1. Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 77

2. Mastering the Craft of Writing, Wilbers, pg 76

TAMARA: I decided to consider a perusal of the blog when I happened upon the picture you chose to post. I allowed myself to contemplate what could possibly be the topic of discussion with an eye-catching, camouflaged man. After reading your post I realized what had really happened.... The picture you posted caught my eye. I wondered what this week's topic was and continued reading. Well done!!

VALERIE: Yes, why is this boy in a tree? Something to do with wordiness... Anyway, we've had a bunch of posts (chapters in MTC) related to this topic. It all boils down to tightening manuscripts.
NEXT WEEK Verbing our nouns!!! Can't wait!